


Henry's Mother

by AverageSanePsycho



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Baby Henry Mills (Once Upon a Time), F/F, Friends to Lovers, Infertility, Loss, Miscarriage, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-04 04:12:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14011920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AverageSanePsycho/pseuds/AverageSanePsycho
Summary: After years of infertility and loss Regina finally has the thing she wants the most.Emma Swan struggling with life and loss finds herself stranded in the small town of Storybrooke, Maine.Slow burn Swan Queen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this chapter a year ago but never got around to posting it. I've decided to go back to it and try and get it finished.  
> I will try to update at least weekly. My aim is to get it finished by Enchanted (UK Once con in June)  
> The first few chapters will be setting the scene. The story is rated M for later chapters.  
> Let me know what you think? Ideas/feedback always greatly appreciated :-)  
> I really really stuggled with the summary and the title so they may chnage and i'm open to suggestions.  
> Thanks for reading

“Don’t…” the brunette’s body tensed up as her husband Robin attempted to place a hand on her shoulder. The man looked at her with sad eyes. He stood in the middle of their bedroom awkwardly while she stood facing the wall.

“Regina I’m sorry. I’m sorry this happened again.” He said awkwardly. She did feel for him, he clearly didn’t have any idea what he could do to help and she didn’t blame him for that because nothing could make it better.

“I want to be alone.” She barked harsher than she meant to, she turned to face him but kept her head down not willing to make eye contact. She didn’t want to hurt him but if she stayed in a close proximity to him for much longer it was inevitable.

“Ok… but it was my baby too.” The man said in a hushed tone before he left the room, closing the door softly behind himself. She knew he was crying but she couldn’t deal with him now. She knew full well it was his baby too; he was yet another person she’d failed along with the two other babies her body failed to nourish and protect.

This was her third pregnancy and she had made it to 13 weeks before her body had miscarried. The first two babies had been lost within the first eight weeks of pregnancy and when she made it to her 12 week scan, she was told everything was normal and she finally thought they had done it, that they would finally get the baby they both longed for, but she was wrong.

Once Robin was gone she wrapped her arms around herself, her legs give way from under her and her exhausted body slid down the wall, her legs came up against her chest and she cradled her knees as the wall held her weight as she let her pain free. She cried uncontrollably, her body shook as she rocked back and forth without knowing it. She cried freely for what felt like an eternity until she felt herself regain control of her body. She consciously stopped herself from rocking and took some deep breaths to regain some control. She hated not being in control and she had no control of anything anymore.

Her hands found their way to her stomach and she touched the same place that had been scanned just days earlier where her baby had been growing inside her, but now it was gone and she felt hollow. She felt like she would never be whole again, a part of her gone forever.

 

* * *

 

 _It wasn’t meant to be this way;_ Regina held back tears as the rocked the crying six month old boy in her arms. For as long as she could remember all she wanted was to be a mother. She held the dark haired child tightly against her chest as he wailed and wriggled against her. _Why didn’t he love her, why didn’t he want her? She tried, she tried her best but it never seemed enough._

Becoming a mother was the happiest moment in Regina Mill’s life. She had dreamed of the moment for so many years but she was told she had a hostile womb and carrying a child to term would be impossible. She had refused to believe it for the longest time, her and Robin had spent years trying for a baby, numerous IVF cycles, holistic medicine, three miscarriages and their savings gone with no baby in return but here she was with everything she wanted and everything felt wrong.

“Henry. Please stop.” She stood in the middle of the child’s nursery and pleaded with the boy helplessly, she stopped her rocking movement to look down at him. His big eyes looked at her intensely and for a brief moment the wailing stopped. She held his tiny hand in her own and her heart ached with the love she felt for the tiny person that was soon forgotten as the wailing resumed, if possible a whole lot louder than before. For the first two months of their time together Henry had been an angel. He slept though right away, he fed well and he loved cuddling with his mommy more than anything in the world. That seemed like a lifetime ago for the last month the boy had become fussy and cried non-stop. Regina had been terrified that he had been ill. She had taken him to see the pediatrician and demanded answers. She had been reassured on three separate occasions that her son was healthy. She had been told not to worry and he would grow out of it and so she waited, and waited and waited some more but he was still just as grumpy as he was a month earlier if not more.

She was lost in thought when she realized the cries had died down and the small boy was now nestled against her chest, his tiny hand clasped around the collar of her blouse, he wriggled softly against her and smiled like he hadn't been screaming the house down just minutes before.

She stood still, terrified to move in case he woke up. Once she was sure he was in a deep enough sleep she sat herself down slowly on the rocking chair in his nursery, keeping the sleeping baby cradled against her chest. Once she was sat she placed a kiss onto his fluffy dark hair before resting her head back against the back of the chair. She patted his baby grow clad bottom gently before resting her hand against it. 

She let out a dramatic sigh before closing her eyes tightly. “Why can’t you always be like this?” she asked her sleeping son.

An hour later and Regina was in a completely different mind-set. She knew her reaction to Henry’s crying was irrational but in the moment she doubted herself, doubted her ability to be a mother and for the briefest second she doubted her decision to adopt the boy all together.

 

* * *

**Present Day**

Two and a half year old Henry Mills was the apple of his mother’s eye.

“Mama?” the boy ran to her excitedly as he heard the door close to mark her arrival home. She placed her briefcase and coat into the closet before taking off her shoes and placing them into the closet, by which time her son closing in on her as she heard the tiny patter of his feet get faster as he toddled towards her.

Regina flashed her son a huge smile before she scooped him up into her arms and peppered kisses all over his face.

The child squealed with laughter as his mother attacked him with kisses.

“Don’t eat me up Mama.” He said in the most serious tone he could muster up.

“But you are so yummy.” The women said as she switched from kisses to a mock munching sound. Once she knew the boy had taken enough as he could manage she placed him back on the floor and let him run free before following through to the kitchen.

“Was he good for you?”

“He’s always good for his Daddy.” The man said with a smug grin. That Regina knew once upon a time would have made her heart race.

The couple had stayed together for the first year of Henry’s life but it was soon apparent to both of them that their marriage wasn’t meant to be. Both had been too stubborn to admit it at first, they finally had the life they wanted and yet it just didn’t quite fit. Shortly after Henry’s first birthday Robin had used the dreaded “We need to talk” phrase that Regina knew was coming. She always imagined that when either of them was brave enough to broach the subject she would be filled with dread but once he spoke she was flooded with relief. She was kind of impressed that he had been the one to make the first step.

And so a temporary separation was agreed on. A year and a half later and they were still living together co-parenting Henry. Their living situation was far from normal but it seemed to work for them and Regina didn’t really want to hurt the man she was still technically married to more than she needed to and she knew that separating him from Henry would cause him a great deal of hurt.

They had their routine down to a tee. Regina worked as the town’s Mayor and unless necessary she tried her best to work Monday to Friday day times. She often worked from home in the evenings once Henry was down for the night. The occasional weekend event came up from time to time but usually it would be a mandatory appearance that Henry and occasionally Robin would accompany her too.

Robin worked evenings at Storybrooke General Hospital so he would look after Henry in the day time while Regina worked. They were like ships passing in the night but they were happy with that. They had Henry and that was the most important thing to both of them. Neither of them had broached the subject of them dating other people, she knew once one of them did then their perfect co-parenting bubble would be shattered, but they would deal with that when it came to it.

“How was your day?”

“Busy. I still have a lot of paperwork to catch up on. That can wait for now. It’s time for some Henry time.” Regina looked over at the dinner table to see it set up for her and Henry. “Are you not eating with us?”

“I have to get to work. Enjoy your evening you two.” Robin said while leaning down to kiss Henry’s head, before leaving the room.

“Have you eaten?” Regina called after him.

“I have.” He said offering her a thankful smile.

Later that evening once they were both bathed and in fresh pajamas the pair lay in Henry’s bed snuggled up while Regina read him to him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting :-)  
> The first couple of chapters will be short just setting the story up.

Emma Swan sat open mouthed opposite the Doctor in his tiny office, the room felt like it was getting smaller by the second, the nausea she was sure had passed earlier in the day returned as if from nowhere.  She sat still, taking deep breaths to try and calm her shaking body, in an attempt to stop herself from vomiting or having a panic attack. She was trying to process the words the man had just said, but he couldn’t be right. He must be mistaken. There was no way.

“Miss Swan?” the man in his early fifties asked. He’d noticed the woman before him seemed to be lost in thought.

“There’s got to be some sort of mistake…, I can’t be pregnant!” she finally managed to stutter out.

“Miss Swan I can assure you there is no mistake. You are pregnant and by your bloodwork I’d say you are at least 8 weeks along.”

Emma sat dumbfounded in treatment room four of her local medical center. She couldn’t be pregnant, she couldn’t be a mother. She was in her second year of law school. She had worked so hard to get here. She had sacrificed so much. How could she be so stupid? What was she going to do now?

“I take it this wasn’t planned?” the Doctor asked softly.

Although the words were softly spoken Emma recognised the judgment in his tone a mile off. She’d always been good at reading people and even in her current distressed state she could still read the man who sat before her.

“No” the blonde said quietly fighting back tears. She wanted to keep her emotions under control. She was strong she’d always been strong and the thought of a complete stranger seeing her as anything but, wasn’t an option for her.

“I can see this has come as a surprise for you…” the doctor spoke for a couple of minutes, filling Emma’s brain with information she had no way of processing. She tried to focus on the words but her brain was in overload.

The next think she noticed the doctor had stood up and she was sure she was being dismissed. He handed her a stack of leaflets as he said his goodbye. “Remember to take the folic acid daily.”

Emma walked to her car on auto pilot. She threw the leaflets onto her passenger seat and took a deep breath, attempting to process the news. What the fuck was folic acid, surely anything acid wasn’t gonna be pleasant.

 

* * *

Three months later and the decision had been made that she would give her unborn child up for adoption.

Before she had made the final decision she had spoken extensively with her social worker who had referred her to a local adoption agency. They assured her that they would work together to find the perfect family for the baby. They provided Emma with a pile of scrapbooks filled with photos and stories of potential parents for her unborn child.  

The decision had been the hardest decision the young woman had had to make in her life. As a foster child she never thought she would do the same thing to a child that her own birth parents had done to her 20 years earlier. The truth of the matter was that she couldn’t raise a child. She was in the second year of law school. She had worked so hard for this. She couldn’t let it go now.  The only reason she could manage to support herself was due to the grant she had been awarded to help with living costs along with her part time job as a bail bonds women. She was in no state to raise a child financially or emotionally. She wanted the child to have the best chance at life and she was sure that wasn’t with her as its mother.

At her twenty week scan she had refused to find out the gender wanting to distance herself as much as possible from the life growing inside of her.

 

* * *

“I want to keep it,” Emma said between pants. “I can’t give my baby away.”

“Ok darling, you just take some breaths, everything will be ok.” the friendly midwife assured her. She was more concerned about the safe delivery of the child than anything else at that moment in time.

She had made the decision the minute she felt the first contraction hit. When the baby was living inside her the decision to give it away for adoption had been easier, but the minute she realized that by the next day the person inside her would be a living, breathing person she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t give her baby away.  She couldn’t be separated from the tiny life that had been a part of her for the last nine months. She couldn’t desert it like her parents had done to her.

She felt terrible for the family she was going to let down but she couldn’t bear the thought of handing her baby over to someone else.

She was distracted by her thoughts when the machine attached to her stomach started to beep erratically.

“What’s wrong?” Emma asked

The midwife didn’t answer but pulled the red cord that hung from the ceiling next to Emma’s bed. Within seconds the room was filled with medical people, all moving franticly around her.

“What’s wrong?” Emma asked again through tears.

“The baby is in distress. We need to get the baby out and we need to do it now.” Someone she could only assume was a doctor said firmly while shouting orders at the people around her.

“Is it going to be ok?”

“We are going to do everything we can.”

That was the last thing Emma remembered before she was taken down to theatre and put to sleep. She had begged to stay awake but was told there was no time to place an epidural or spinal block so sedation was needed.

 

* * *

When she woke up her head was banging and she felt groggy. It felt like the hangover from hell. She was in a white room in a hospital gown. A cannula in her right hand connected to a drip. Other than a slow beep from the machine next to her the room was silent. She was confused, she moved her hand with drip attached to her stomach and touched the place where she last felt her baby kick. There was no baby in there now.

When the door opened and a nurse walked in she knew right away that the news wasn’t good. She wanted the women to turn around and walk back out of the room. She didn’t want the impending bad news to be for her.

“Where’s my baby?”

“I’m sorry Emma, there were complications.” Emma zoned out after those words were uttered she knew what was coming “…everything we could but he didn’t make it.”

_‘He’_ she had a son, a baby boy, her baby boy. She had a son but he was gone.

The next thing she knew she woke up to the sound of a baby crying. She felt for her stomach. It was still swollen but she knew he was no longer in there. She looked around the room to find her baby boy but there was no crib beside her. She found herself in a deserted side room painted in a pale lemon. Yellow had always been her favorite color but something about this room made her feel sick.

 

* * *

 

**Current Day – Storybrooke, Maine**

Emma Swan kicked the wheel of her yellow VW bug in defeat after she slammed the door in frustration. The wind blew her long blonde hair in her face “Fuck!” she screeched in annoyance today was most definitely not her day, her whole fucking life was one big joke at her expense she was sure of it. The last three years of her life had been one disaster after another. A broken down car was nothing in comparison yet in that moment it felt like the end of the world.


	3. Chapter 3

Regina’s favourite day of the week was Sunday. Sunday meant cuddles in bed with Henry. She always pretended to be asleep as soon as she heard the patter of tiny feet coming down the hallway.  Henry always woke at 7am without fail unless he was sick. On weekdays Regina would get to up at 6am to get herself and breakfast organised before getting the boy ready for the day. When she went to collect him she was always greeted with a huge sleepy smile that melted her heart.

Once she heard the foot steps stop and the handle be pulled down, she lay back and closed her eyes. She imagined the boy tucking ‘bunny’ under his arm as he concentrated on opening the door. ‘Bunny’ had been a present from Mary Margaret, Regina’s once enemy and unexpected best friend, that Henry had been attached to since the moment it had been placed in his hands, although it was now missing an eye and she had to kidnap it in the middle of the night to wash it without Henry noticing, tucking it back in Henrys bed before he noticed it was missing. Her pondering was cut short when the door opened, a huge grin across her face as she waited for the impending cuddle monster to attack.

It didn’t take long for the boy to walk over to the bed and after a few tries he managed to get a good enough grip of the duvet to climb his way up.

Regina was tempted to open her eyes to check he was ok but she knew he had no problem climbing onto bed without her help. Before she had chance to open her eyes Henry’s small two year old body was climbing up and over her until he was face to face with her. He placed his small hands against her face and spoke, “Wake up Mama. It’s tomorrow.”

She bit her lip to stop herself from laughing before letting out a fake snore.

Henry let out a small huff before leaning down to shout into her ear, “Mama… I’m here.”

She pretended to be asleep for a little while longer before jumping up with a ‘roar’ and tickling the boy until he begged for her to stop. Once they had both calmed down Henry cuddled in next to her and she pulled the duvet over the both of them. After a few minutes of blissful peace Henry started to fidget.

“What shall we do today?” Regina asked the smiley boy.

He pondered for a few seconds before he answered, “A-ven-ture, Mama and Henry a-ven-ture.” The child nodded his head in excitement.

“That sounds like a fun day. Shall we go to the docks?”

The boy shook his head vigorously.

“Shall we go to the park?”

The little boy shook his head, with a big grin.

“What would you like to do then my little prince?”

“Ice squeem!” He squealed happily clapping his hands.

“Ice cream?”

“Yes, Ice squeem Mama.”

“I think we can manage that, how about a trip to the park _and_ _then_ a trip the ice cream Parlour?”

The boy bounced on the bed in excitement. His mother took a hold of his hands to keep him steady and stop him from falling over. “Careful Henry,” Regina beamed at her son.

“I be careful Mama,” He said before continuing his bouncing.

Regina grabbed him against her body and hugged him tightly. Feeling his small body in her arms made her heart ache with love. He was hers and she thanked her blessings every day that she had gotten so lucky. Henry fidgeted in her arms for a few seconds before giving in and wrapping his small chubby hands around her neck and clinging on like a little koala bear. He managed to stay still cuddling into his mother for a minute before wriggling free.

“Up, Mama,” he demanded. Sliding from the bed and placing his hand on his hip. Stood in his dinosaur pyjamas with a raised eye brow, he meant business.

Regina smiled down at the boy who got more and more adorable each day. He most definitely had her sass.

“Come on Mama, Up!” The boy demanded with a foot stomp, offering his mother his tiny hand to encourage her along.

Regina leaped from the bed and gathered him in her arms and threw him into the air before pretending to eat him up.

“No Mama, no eat Henwy.”

“But Mamas Hungry.”

“Eat breakfast. Not Me!” The boy said before giggling at his crazy mother.

“Come on then, let’s go have breakfast and start our adventure.”

The mother and son ate pancakes together at the breakfast table all smiles and laughs before Regina got them both ready for the day. Well Regina did what Henry would let her do. He was in a phase of refusing to let Regina do anything for him. Staying he was a ‘big boy’ not a ‘baby’. But to Regina he would always be her baby boy.

After 20 minutes negotiating with the boy he had finally allowed Regina to help him his shoes.

 

* * *

Henry squealed as he swung higher and higher. “Higher, higher. To the moon Mama, to the moon.”

Regina smiled at the boy and continued to push. There was no way he was going any higher but she made her pushes look more dramatic and which made Henry giggle in delight.

The mother and son played happily at the park for an hour longer before Henry asked for his promised ice cream.

 

* * *

 

Hand in hand they made their way into the ice cream shop. Henry chose a chocolate cone and chocolate ice cream while Regina chose praline ice cream in a cup.

They sat in a booth, ate their ice cream and chatted happily.

“Mama?” Henry said after he’d taken a lick of his ice cream.

Regina smiled across at the boy, whose mouth was covered in chocolate, “Yes Henry.”

“I love you.” The boy said with a toothy grin.

Regina’s heart flutter in her chest, she had never imagined she was capable to love the way she loved the boy sat in front of her but every single day she was sure she loved him more and more,  “ I love you too my darling boy, to the moon and back forever and always.”

“That’s a big lot.” Henry replied with big eyes.

“It’s the biggest.” She clarified.

 

* * *

When they returned home, Robin was sat in the living room watching TV, the front door opened and the pair made their way into the house. Shoes and jackets put away before Henry was let loose into the living room.

“Dada.” Henry smiled as he saw his father sat in front of the television. He ran over to the man giving him a hug and a kiss, before settling next to him to watch the television too.

Regina popped her head into the room and said ‘hello’ to Robin, before excusing herself to make dinner.

Once dinner was ready she instructed the father and son to wash up before dinner was served.

Dinner was uneventful. Henry commanded the attention of both of his parents, which both were happy to give him. He had become a buffer between the two and although Regina knew it wasn’t the healthiest of relationships she was grateful for it and as long as Henry remained unaffected by the arrangement she would keep it going.

After dinner the adults tidied up the kitchen while Henry entertained them. He had his own children’s kitchen which he played with, pretending to do his own washing up while banging his toy pans.

 

* * *

Once Henry was in bed, after a story from each of his parents Regina and Robin sat in the living room together. Each on sofa’s at opposite sides of the room.

Regina tried to think of something to say to the man that was technically her husband but she had nothing to say. She wasn’t sure how it happened but there was nothing there anymore. It broke her heart to admit it but they no longer even had a friendship. Without Henry they were nothing to each other anymore. How did it happen? Was she to blame? Could she have done something different?

“I’m gonna head up,” Robin said breaking her contemplative thoughts. He was awkward and once again Regina wondered if that was her doing. She didn’t want him to have a bad life.

“Me too.” She responded meekly.

“Good night Regina.”

“Night Robin.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
